You Were There
by SevenRenny
Summary: She still read his notebook. She kept it close enough to reach easily from her spot in bed. "To my best friend, Uraraka-" the page began. Warnings: grief and depressing themes.


_Notes: Aged-up/adult characters, Characters are Pro Heroes, experimental writing_

_Warnings: depressing themes,_ _grief, implied sexual content_

**You Were There**

**SevenRenny**

She had a lot of regrets, as did most people. Little things: like wanting to take back words that slipped her mouth, or regretting an action; to major ones, like not doing anything at all when she had the chance. Maybe it was life's way of telling her to get her shit together. As a twenty-eight-year-old Pro Hero, she wasn't behind on those life lessons. Maybe more than what she'd assumed she could handle. Life found new ways to trap her in its clutches, and she found new ways to slip through its fingers.

Sometimes, she passed through fine.

Other times, Ochaco didn't know if she could get back up.

…

_To my best friend, Uraraka,_

_Hi! I hope your day went well. I haven't done anything like this before. Please bear with me. I don't know this will turn out, but I feel like I need to do it. Don't know how long this will end up being. I'm sorry if it gets too long._

_I hope you don't mind my rambling. This is new to me. I'm also still nervous from earlier. It's kinda incredible, you know? Everyone's going to be Heroes and I still feel like I just enrolled. I'm going to miss everyone. I still remember that day for the entrance exam. I was still so nervous I tripped on my own feet. You were there to catch me, though! Thank you so much for saving me. You were so nice to me that first day, I kept calling you 'the nice person' in my head when I didn't get your name._

_I know I kept being reckless and making everyone worry. I don't know if you'll ever get this, but if you do, I want to thank you for being my first real friend. It feels better to write my thoughts down now than think I'll never get the chance to say them. Remember when UA sent us those letters? I don't know if you got a projection disk like mine had, but I saw you in the letter. You were there. You wanted to give me your points, even though you didn't think you had many to begin with. I couldn't describe the feeling I felt. It was like my heart was going to burst out of my chest. _

_I made it to class and you were there and you were so happy and nice and I was happy. I got to team up with you and I was so happy it was you. I was a mess back then, it's sort of embarrassing._

_I think I'll stop here today. I couldn't sleep with all this in my head. I should try and go to bed if I want to get up early. Goodnight._

…

_To my best friend, Uraraka:_

_You were there at the bank robbery, and you were so cool! I could always count on you whenever I'm in a pinch. We make a pretty good team. I think you've told me that before, when we were still in school. I don't know why I keep going back to those days. I guess, it all feels like a dream right now, like it wasn't real and it still isn't real. I got my dream and I shouldn't be selfishly asking for more._

_But I do. It gets lonely sometimes._

_I'm happy with how far I've come, thanks to everyone's support. I don't think I would've gotten to where I am if it wasn't for my friends and family and teachers. So then, I can't figure out what I'm missing. Maybe I miss walking home with you. Or us studying together. Maybe I'm scared I might go back to being friendless again, even though I see you on duty all the time. There's a question but I don't know what it is._

_Maybe I'm guilty? You were there for me, but I couldn't do the same for you. I remember our first Sports Festival, and I'd gone to check on you, but you were the one to give me encouragement instead. I had so many opportunities to be there for you and I miss my chance every time. I'm sorry I couldn't be there when you needed a friend the most._

_Okay. I'll head to bed, now. Goodnight._

…

_To the greatest Hero, Uravity:_

_You were there when the fight broke out. The first one there. I panicked when the Villain hit you hard and you fell in the rubble. I couldn't find you, until I did. You were red everywhere. I don't know what came over me. I can't remember much. I thought I lost you. You were my friend and so much more, and I don't ever want you to think you're never good enough, okay? You're a pillar to people. To me. I can't stand without you._

_You're so much more._

…

_To my best friend, Ochaco:_

_You said something to me when I went to visit you at the hospital. Maybe I shouldn't have heard it. You were on painkillers and slurring a lot. You were there in that bed and you told me you wanted me to kiss you. I couldn't. It wouldn't be right. You were really tired and not focused._

_I just couldn't stop thinking about what you said, what you wanted me to do. I feel bad for imagining it. You're my friend. I shouldn't be thinking about these things, but it felt like I was leaving a question unanswered the longer I ignored it._

_You stayed over. You were there on my bed and I pulled out a futon for myself. I asked for you to come over because your pelvis still hurt. I didn't want you to strain yourself. I couldn't keep ignoring everything, so I asked if you remembered anything from the hospital. You didn't. Asked why. I told you. You repeated it._

_And it all made sense at that moment. It was all fast, but I figured it out. I loved my best friend._

_So I said it, too._

…

_To my girlfriend, Ochaco:_

_I have no idea what I have to do most of the time. I don't know if I'm being a decent boyfriend. Being Pro Heroes takes so much time and I feel like I'm not being fair to you. I know I worry you a lot. You and Mom and all Might and everyone. I want you to be happy. I was so focused on becoming a Hero, I never stopped to think about other possibilities in my future. You're here, now. I'm unprepared but I'm happy._

_Let's figure things out together, okay?_

…

_To my wife, Ochaco:_

_I haven't written in one of these in a while. You're still right here with me, after everything I put you through. You're really amazing. I haven't been the best after we lost All Might. I knew it would happen. I just didn't want to hear it. I didn't mean to be distant. Thank you for being there for me. I don't know how I would've turned out without you. If I told my past self I'd be a married Pro one day I don't think even I would believe me._

_Thanks for being there._

…

_To my pillar, Ochaco:_

_You were there. You've always been there. I wish I could've been there for you more. You make me feel like I'm still in high school. I've been thinking we could take a break, sometime. Make time for us. I don't know where we'll go. I'm thinking of maybe staying at a beach house or a resort in the mountains. Maybe Disneyland, or, if you want, we can visit your parents in Hawaii. I'm fine with whichever you'll pick. I'm already excited._

…

It ended there. Part of her mind told her to stop looking for another notebook in vain. The rest of her hoped more of her husband's thoughts were hidden somewhere in the apartment. They _had_ done all those things he'd listed; multiple places at once, like the beach house in Hawaii, where the palm trees liked to grow crooked, reaching for the sun. Going around with their low-quality _Engrish_ hadn't been easy. Her parents had learned how to pronounce a few English sentences from their time working in the US. She and Izuku only had a week. A beautiful week.

Now, on the floor, she cradled the bowl as she gaged and her empty stomach squeezed out nothing. This wasn't how she wanted to wake up in the morning. It was, however, becoming a daily thing. She'd chalked it up to stress. It definitely felt like the mental pressure was crushing her. Her stomach muscles squirmed unhappily. Her body became more sensitive over the weeks. It hated her just as much as she hated herself for not being fast enough. She'd muted every form of social media, except for her Hero Alert. It wasn't the best time to hear people talk about who would replace their Deku – her Izuku – because that was all the country was talking about. Losing the number one Hero had been devastating. It had been him, Katsuki, and Shoto against one particularly feared Villain. She'd seen the one shaky videotape. Izuku had used his last breath on that day. He'd been out there while she had been saving people from collateral damage.

While the country lit candles for him, she took longer to accept the sudden change. There was a kind of misery only she and his elderly mother shared. People hardly spoke to her, drifting past her like she would break at any touch. She hardly left the house past work hours. Her friends visited. Sent her things. Homemade food and soft clothing. Encouraging her to stay healthy and warm.

She'd assumed her mental health had sickened her physically. Headaches and dizzy spells. Back pain from what she assumed her body telling her it had had enough of her marching the streets for long hours. There was a thought she avoided digging into. It became impossible to keep hidden when her mostly-regular monthly period was late, and when it finally came, it was a light patch and nothing more. Her overly-tender breasts suddenly made sense.

Everything connected. She suspected the days they spent at the mountain resort – the one with the wooden ceiling she saw behind his head when he leaned over her in the bed, his face dipping to kiss her, his scarred hands running through her hair. They were careful people. They'd always been careful. So while the symptoms ticked every box, she refused to believe it. Not like this. Not when he was taken from her so suddenly. They'd talked about kids before, around their third year through marriage. She couldn't remember what brought it up – possibly words people shared after reading a gossip magazine. After some talk, they'd agreed it was a pleasant thought, but the timing wasn't right just yet.

The doctor confirmed her suspicion, and she wanted nothing more than to go back in time. Maybe her words could've changed something, and he'd stay alive long enough to see his baby. But he wasn't here, and she'd need to introduce the kid to their father through pictures and videos and that memorial shrine and say: 'That's your daddy.'

Shoto and Katsiku weren't too happy with their automatic first and second place spots on the popularity ladder. Something about not deserving the spots basically handed to them. To them and everyone who knew Izuku since high school, it was a form of disrespect.

Nowadays, she didn't wear her tight costume, seeing as she switched to doing desk work for the time being. It was nice to be in casual clothing at work. it gave her stomach room to gradually balloon. Her colleagues at the Uravity agency beckoned her to apply for maternity leave and assured her they'd handle her Sidekicks. _Not yet_. She wanted something to do. It was snowing outside when she clocked out for the day. Her thick clothes hindered her mobility. His statue - cold from the weather - had a layer of snow on his head and shoulders. His story would be one heck of a story to tell a child. Deku was everywhere: in history and loved merchandise and schoolbooks and every life saved by him, and now, in her.

She still read his notebook. It was as if he wrote them knowing he'd die early one day. She kept it close enough to reach easily from her spot in bed. _You silly goober. You were there, too – _she thought over a few of his lines.

* * *

_Notes:_

_-Just a quick thing to try out this style._


End file.
